Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet

For as long as I can remember I have felt a deep sense of purpose and calling to help people. When I was younger I struggled to find my place in the world and how I would live out that purpose. I thought that in order to do so it had to be some grand important career so I started studying medicine. I went to different schools trying to find where in the medical field I would fit in and after many years of switching majors I finally became a Respiratory Therapist. It was an adrenaline rush and I did feel like I was making a small contribution to the lives of others but it wasn’t enough. A few years later I came upon an opportunity to work in the medical device industry. It was an exciting job flying around the US, sometimes to other countries, where I was training and meeting with all types of clinicians and government agencies. I felt important. At one point in my career I was managing over twenty people and leading teams in Germany and the Philippines. It did satisfy my masculine driven energy of accomplishment and success but to be honest I felt empty inside. I was depressed and anxious all of the time. I was on different types of medications in my 20s, I ate and drank too much and bought nice things to fill me up. I was a shell of a person barely getting by. At one point during these years I was being targeted and bullied by a manager with the threat of losing my job everyday looming over me. I was also in a long distance relationship that I knew would never work but I was too scared to let it go. It was comforting knowing that someone loved me even though I knew deep down we would never be together. I was also traveling and working so much that I could not have a personal life. I never saw my friends and family and even my cat hated me for leaving him all of the time. The way I felt about myself on the inside was manifesting as a mysterious physical condition that doctors could not diagnose. It was a very painful and lonely time and I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That is when I met a woman, my eventual mentor that would change my life. She reconnected me to who I was all along and showed me how to shine my light again. I had always felt like I was different as I was able to sense people’s energy and inner most feelings. She validated and developed my skills as an empath and clairvoyant and confirmed that it was okay to be me. She also taught me how to connect to God/Spirit/Source, raise my vibration and to protect myself. After a few months of learning different ways to meditate I no longer needed the medication. My anxiety and bouts of depression had disappeared. I had reconnected with who I was all along and not who I though that I needed to be for the world. After continuing these practices for several years I felt a definite call from the universe. My tastes were changing, I was becoming increasingly sensitive and I no longer wanted to aim for material success. Also, serendipitously, my job became more and more toxic forcing me to quit and figure things out. I had some money saved up and I didn’t know if I was just going to take some time off, apply for other jobs in the same field or start my own spiritually based business. When things started taking off for me with my intuitive readings and I was suddenly given amazing opportunities to connect with others I knew I was on the right path. I even asked my spirit guides for signs and I would get overwhelming evidence everyday. I finally feel that I am in alignment with my authentic self and the universe is rewarding me. Not that it is easy, I continue to be challenged, learning and growing everyday but I am happy and now I get to help others to connect with the divine and help them find their light as well.